And then you mentioned my parents. And mind you, no one ever ‘pleaded’ to you for anything. I know everything. If it hadn’t been me, no one in my family would have ever talked to you. My dad pitied you as a fatherless child and tried to give you his love by giving you my responsibility. He was wrong to trust an unknown girl. But then he relied on my choice.
You had started addressing your mom as my ’sasuma’ and we were busy talking childish stuff like baby names. How much more serious can any relationship get?
Time and again when you referred to me as ‘Janu’, I would squirm with ecstasy. You were my world. My everything.
‘Your friend’ and to some extent your ’so called brother’ were being a nuisance but you termed it as ‘my’ ego. If it was ego, it was my love too. I had never seen you. Maybe I never will. Honestly I had stopped caring about your looks. I still do not want to. The image of the princess in my heart and mind will do.
I quit engineering and went to Delhi. We rarely talked. But when we did, I felt the magic. You said that I had ego. I had never cut off my contact with ‘your friend’. He did. First he was my friend and later someone in love with you. He never saw it that way. He deleted me from his friend list. Not me. He took every opportunity to plant seeds of insecurity and doubt in your mind against me. Whatever I said to you was, supported by you too.
Then Manipal happned. You didn’t care to call on our half-yearly anniversary or even our anniversary. I always tried to make things work. You never even cared a damn about it. Ofcourse, why should you. You had ‘options’ all the time. The tricky and charming girl that you are, most idiots would fall for you.
You made a big issues of my suicide attempt. It was a joke for you. Not for me. You have no one in Manipal who knows me. What happned that night is and will always be skeched on my heart.
One another text msg:-
“Janu agar hum humari zindagi se ruth jayeto humari zindagi kahan reh jaygi. Hum aap se khafa ho sakte hai vala ! Aapto humari zindagiki shan ho:)”
And then you say that ‘we never had a heart to heart relationship’. And ‘I never felt that I was your true love’.
Any guy in his wright mind would never have accepted a girl whom he has never seen. I never made an issue of that matter. And then there were people who tried to make me believe that you were not ‘pure’. I never cared a hang! I never questioned your love. But you did.
You behaved like you were the luckiest girl in the whole world to have me in your life. And bloody me, I believed it!
And you say to people that you never loved me. True. You never did. Atleast you made me feel so many things without even loving me. You are a true genius.
Things pinched me all the time. Your reluctance to talk to me. Not taking a cheap CDMA set. Still , I never questioned you. And whenever I did, it would snowball into you having a fight with me. I didn’t want to fight you.
When you never loved me, what right did you have to make yourself so special for me?
And yes! You are answerable to me. I am not a villain in the movie of my life. This is my life. My movie. You might find it crap, but it isn’t so. I will be back someday to know my answers.
And make no mistake, I will be ’something’ one day. Because everything won’t be decided by you. You decided that we go apart. Now I will decide when and how I come in your life. Life is not getting over. Neither are my feelings going to die. Neither the fire within me is going to burn off.
Remember, I will still be here,
As long as you hold me, in your memory
Remember, when your dreams have ended,
Time can be transcended,
Just remember me
I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,
It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun …

P.S. You don’t deserve it. But. I Love You. And I will never be able to forgive you for this.